my trip to Edmonton

I haven't had a chance yet to post anything about my trip to Edmonton last week. As my typing has seemed faster then usual today I thought that I would quickly give you the rocken awesome run down so that you're in the loop (not that crazy loop in the nephron of the kidney [10 points for anyone who can tell me what the hell I'm talking about]).

Last week. I had thought about going to Edmonton as the teachers in BC are on Strike and my union (the Carpenters and Joiner) will not cross. The strike is not really a strike, we're calling it civil disobedience (a strike would be illegal). So Thanksgiving weekend ended and I decided Monday morning that I needed to get out and that this was the perfect opportunity. I arranged everything with my union and employer should the strike have ended sooner then later (it didn't, we're still on strike and tomorrow will be day 11). I left at something like 12:30 and got there at say 8. It's now time for a new paragraph.

Monday was a little drinking and catching up with M and F. What else would one do in such a situation as catching up but drink (if not just tea, or perhaps a blended drink made of the pedals of flowers); we had beer, wine, and I even had a harvey wallbanger. If you likey the screwdriver I highly recommend a slow and gentle journey back to the bar of the 70's. M told me of the slow comfortable screw against the wall (10 more points if you can name the drink items without our-sourcing, going to webtender.com, or calling a friend). Monday is now done. Set your jet packs down and relax because at the end of that night I went to sleep.

Tuesday I awoke with an odd feeling in my tummy. Oh shit. So, from out of nowhere the Flu decided to creep up on me and fuck with all my plans. The great thing about this trip was that there weren't really any plans so there wasn't much to fuck up. We still went to Lunch (OPM is how you spell delicious in the world of Asian-Fusion) and it was amazing but at the same time my tummy was telling me that drunken-chicken was the spawn of satan and that like devil eggs had just been planted in my stomach; that I would bear the child of satan (this didn't come to pass thankfully, but at the time I was pretty sure that this was the case). Ikea in Swedish I think means cheep shit that you have to buy because you think that it's simply timeless (timeless in Svedin mean about 6-8 months). Nonetheless, I love the bi-yearly trip to Ikea. This time I was very good and only bought things that I knew I would love. I didn't buy anything for anyone else because frankly, I'm a self absorbed son of a short lady that has a name that starts with a K. -- I figured we'd be back and did the other people ikea buying later -- I bought slippers for myself and a bunch of frames for the business (oh right R, I didn't show you those... remind me). Tuesday night was A and W (that's ME!) time. We walked down the concourse of the shittiest mall, strike that. The Capilano Mall was charming in a kind of small town " this is a unique cultural experience that I can't get in a big city" kind of way; then I realized that I was in a big city and promptly shit my pants. No... that wasn't me. My memory is foggy, the Flu (not avian I don't think) was setting in. I think that it was my walking and scarf shopping ally that expressed her displeasure for the mall... if you'd like to tell that story A, please do so in the comments, we'd love to hear.

Wednesday. The flu had taken me and I spent the entire day hugging the toilet and reclaiming my faith in Jesus just to ask him to strike me down with lightening as to end the suffering and the displeasures of life itself. That didn't really happen; I don't remember throwing up from the flu ever. We went to lunch and I got to go back to my Alma-mater; M and I even got to stroll down Alumni Lane (proclaiming, "this was my university once, I paid for this lane, get the fuck out of my way or my friend M will have to blight you with the end of a miniature ceremonial mace from the dollar store [this is mostly bullshit too]). After a refreshing bowl of Cream of Broccoli and Cheese soup and some really buttery toast M and I wandered off to the dollar store (sorry, it wasn't the dollar store at all, I'm tired and need to keep writing about dollar stores because I felt that that last joke was so damn good that I should just keep flogging it and I can't seem to get it out of my head, and ahhhhhhh; right. you're still reading?) we went to the exact opposite of a dollar store, we went to the biggest most opulent mall in the world; anything you want, you got it, anything you need, you got it, anything at all, you got it... (name the song for 10 more fucking arbitrary points). West Edmonton Mall was the destination, the goal, both M and W come out alive and with more underwares then when we went in with. I succeeded with 6 pairs, M with (?) [if you feel like telling everyone just how many scanties you purchased you can kindly do so in the comments {I don't want to reveal to much}]. I love underwear shopping and I sincerely wish that there was more selection for men; thank googly woogly for the Bay and Sears. Really, they have the nice stuff from designers as well as the shitty stuff that many a wives buy for their husbands who really don't care what holds the package as long as it does just that and they don't get hounded in the locker room because they're wearing blue horizontal stripes and it makes them look fat. All right... the shopping was throughly exhausting. I have an idea, lets make the flooring in malls out of rubber.. people will stay longer because they'll still have feeling in their legs, and when there's feeling in the legs there's still shopping in the blood. (I'm not an Engineer and this commentary is purely anecdotal). I did buy some gifts, pants, cd's, underwear (naturally), some mags, books, and a video on fly fishing (2 points for the first sleuth to determine which of the aforementioned in a bold faced lie).

Okay, there is so much more but i need to read over this still (I just read it and I really suck at editing my own writing; it makes sense to me) and it's really late. I'll continue the post another night. Keep unfit and have no fun.

Wader

P.S. 1176 words in about half an hour. I know that you can write that novel M. I believe in you; in fact I was saying tonight that you'll do anything that you really want to do, nothing will stand in your way. You'll get a part too, you could be Lear if you wanted ;)